Little Cat

Holy crap. I was just sitting here staring at Chiyo's chubby cheeks, and I quite literally felt that my heart was in danger of exploding from too much love. Disgusting, huh? I guess this is what happens when you have a baby. My in-laws are visiting from Japan, and they caught me crying with joy. Since my Japanese sucks, I don't think they got the whole "I'm overwhelmed with love for the baby" thing, and my mother-in-law immediately tried to send me for a nap. Hey, I'll take it! 

I'll tell you the truth: being a new mother is a crazy trip! Chiyo and I have just come back from two days at my sister's house because Dog, being a Japanese workaholic, felt compelled to accept bookings a few days after the birth of our baby. At this point, I can look after the baby or myself, but not both. I was looking after the baby, and pushed myself too far, setting back my own recovery, so we went to visit my beautiful and amazing sister who whizzed around like a superhero simultaneously caring for me, my little Chi-chan, and her active one-year old. I just stared at her with my mouth open - how did she become such an amazing mom in so little time? I only hope I can do that too someday.

Chiyo has come down with a bit of diaper rash, so my sister Monkey and I were washing her bum after every poop (and there are A LOT of them!), and drying her with the cool setting on a hairdryer before putting a diaper back on her. We were all standing in the living room drying her bare bum when the little one dropped an explosive liquid poo, narrowly missing my nephew's head and landing inside a fan, which flung the poo everywhere! Monkey and I just about fell over from laughing so hard, and I nearly tore out my stitches. Thankfully, breast milk poos are not stinky or that hard to clean up, and I've learned to dry her in a more safe spot. There, my first poo story! I have a feeling that more will be forthcoming.

I really, really love this baby - she's strong and resilient, and makes the cutest little sounds when she sleeps. She looks like a little bird. As I write this, she's asleep on my chest, skin to skin and I've just realized that I've been leaking sticky milk all down her little body! She didn't even seem to mind. (Basically, everything is now covered in milk - the bed, my clothes, my body, the breastfeeding pillow, EVERYTHING). I even leaked on the dog as I was walking by her. It's a weird feeling, but I'm supposed to be walking around topless to allow my nipples to heal, as Chi-chan's done a number on them and they hurt terribly. It's a strange feeling to not really have full ownership of your own body, but I want to give her the best of everything, including myself.

After a grueling 19 hours of labour, our baby arrived on September 17th at 6:34 am. We came home from the hospital the next day, and every day since then has been wrought with emotion as my hormones level out. We're both completely entranced by this small creature, and I can tell you honestly that I've never loved anything this much. However, it's been a very difficult few days - I have a lot of stitches that really hurt and keep me confined to one floor, breastfeeding is not really working yet and I'm using a breast pump every two hours around the clock, in addition to her feedings every three hours, and I cry my eyes out at least five times a day as I question my ability to properly mother such a perfect and angelic creature. I'm trying to remember to be gentle with myself, and to take advantage of the great support network I have around me. Dog has been amazing - he's an even more awesome dad than I anticipated, and he's taking great care of me too.

We named the baby Chiyo Ghislaine - Chiyo being Japanese for "eternal" and Ghislaine being Old French for "promise", and she was born at a very healthy 8 lbs 6 oz, or 3795 grams! So far, she looks a lot like Dog, and also exactly like me as a baby with darker eyes and hair.

Oh, she's waking up. Expect more updates soon!

Chiyo1

Well, the baby's due to arrive any time (technically, on Monday), but I don't think it's going to happen then. In fact, I haven't even been able to bring myself to pack my bag for the hospital, I don't know why. My normally sweet husband Dog has been making me furious by hiding in his office and refusing to communicate, and while I too am tired of my own emotional outbursts and constant need for affirmation, I'm nine months pregnant with his baby and a prisoner of my own body and I deserve a little extra patience and gentleness, don't I? (Well, he's probably giving me a little extra - I need a lot!)

Now that the itchiness is under control, it's just the waiting that is driving me insane. I experience every single emotion about a thousand times a day, and after much soul-searching, I've realized that I'm as ready as I can be to become a mother, and that most of the learning will come once she is born. I intend to do my best, and hope to avoid judging myself too harshly. I just want to get the experience started, and meet this little person already. At the same time, I'm worried about the labour.

I know I only write about this pregnancy now, but it's all I can think about! Probably things will deteriorate further after she's born - all about puke, poop and cracked nipples.

In good news, I met one of my second cousins in my midwife's office. I haven't seen her in a decade, and was shocked to discover that we use the same midwife, live 2 streets apart, and are both pregnant and due within a month of each other. This is extremely exciting for me, as I haven't made many friends in this new city since the move in July, and I have very few pregnant friends or friends with children! Instant playdate partner! 

We had a very fun and extremely well-attended housewarming party last night. There was lots of tummy-rubbing, and it was so nice to see so many of our Toronto friends, since I anticipate fewer chances to get together once the baby arrives.
Dog did almost everything as I am truly exhausted these days, and was thrilled to break in his new, overly-gigantic BBQ. As usual, he made a mountain of food: smoked rainbow trout, smoked pork belly in his own BBQ sauce, couscous with smoked beets, smoked pork tenderloin, chicken marinated in dijon, roasted vegetable salad, napa cabbage Asian slaw, and a giant spread of appetizers. There was way too much, so each guest left with a giant Ziploc bag of leftovers! My only contribution was tarte au sucre, which was well-received.
Through our joint efforts, the house is very clean, and, (most thrilling thing ever!) the nursery is mostly complete! Finally! 

I'm officially tired of being pregnant. My abdomen is SO INSANELY ITCHY THAT I THINK I'M GOING TO SNAP.

3 weeks from Monday until our due date. I just can't wait to see her.